Liberty University J-school to inaugurate Fake News major

LYNCHBURG, VA – Liberty University’s School of Journalism is inaugurating a Fake News sequence to prepare students for the fastest-growing, most-lucrative segment of the media business.

“Too many of our graduates today are working at Starbucks or running up even more debt in graduate school,” said Prof. Albert Stonemarsh, director of the school. “We have a responsibility to train them to be journalists of the future.”

And that future, the professor said, “is obviously in fake news. People love fake news. Fake news makes money. It triggers a click reflex that Americans can’t resist. Liberty is going to be a big part of that.”

In an era of media consolidation and decreasing revenues, Fake News is booming by pandering to prejudice, indulging preconceived notions and exploiting the gullibility of the American public. The phenomenon dominated the recent presidential campaign, Stonemarsh said, and Donald Trump’s victory seems sure to accelerate the trend.

“We will be at the forefront,” he vowed. “Too many of these jobs have been going to places like Macedonia, and we will bring these good jobs back home. Nobody fakes things better than Americans.”

The School is developing a Fake News curriculum that will lead to a BPJ degree – Bachelor of Post-Truth Journalism – and has already secured internships for students at Breitbart News, the Hannity show, the National Enquirer and other successful media outlets. Paris Denard, a Trump spokesman who told CNN this week that truth no longer matters, is being recruited to lead the effort.

Calls to the University media office at 2 a.m. were not answered, verifying beyond any doubt that the story is true.


Dallas to Commemorate November 22, 1963 Historic 50th Anniversary Events to Honor America’s 36th President

DALLAS, TX — In keeping with its credo of honoring the past while looking to the future, Dallas is celebrating the 50th anniversary of one of the seminal events in its history: the November 22, 1963, inauguration of President Lyndon B. Johnson.

“The Johnson presidency was a major milestone in 20th Century America, and it began right here in Dallas,” said Rexall Thackerton, chairman of the month-long celebration called LBJ/50. “We need to focus the country’s attention on that.”

Centerpiece of the celebration will be the Boeing 707 jet that in 1963 served as Air Force One, where Johnson was sworn into office and officially became our 36th President. It will be flown from the National Museum of the U.S. Air Force in Dayton, Ohio, to Dallas for the entire month of November.

“A blue-ribbon panel of Dallas leaders evaluated the best place in the city to display the plane, and the obvious answer was Dealey Plaza,” Thackerton said. “Unfortunately, that means we have to close the Plaza to the public all month, but we’re sure people will understand.”

Dallas is one of only five cities outside of Washington, D.C., that has hosted a presidential inauguration – and the most recent. The others are New York (George Washington and Chester Arthur), Philadelphia (Washington and John Adams), Buffalo, N.Y. (Theodore Roosevelt), and Plymouth, Vt. (Calvin Coolidge).

“That’s a distinguished list of world-class cities, and Dallas is proud to be part of it,” Mayor Mike Rawlins said. “This is definitely something people should always remember about our city.”

LBJ/50 will feature dozens of lectures and symposia about the Johnson presidency at schools, meeting halls and other institutions throughout the region, though none downtown.

“We expect hundreds of media and thousands of visitors from around the world who are still fascinated by Lyndon Johnson after all these years, and we felt it was best to disperse them,” Rawlins explained.

“That way, everyone has a chance to attend an event, and our city center won’t get too congested. Even with the anniversary, Dallas needs to go about its business.”

Additionally, there will be a continuous public reading of Robert Caro’s award-winning series of books about President Johnson’s life and presidency, which total more than 3,300 pages.

“That should keep C-SPAN tied up for at least a week,” Thackerton noted.

LBJ/50 will culminate with a festive re-enactment of the inauguration on November 22, featuring native Dallasites in the key roles: Dr. Phil McGraw as President Johnson, Angie Harmon as Lady Bird Johnson, Selena Gomez as Jacqueline Kennedy and Morgan Fairchild as Judge Sarah T. Hughes, the only woman ever to swear in a president.

“We are confident this piece of living history will dominate the airwaves and social media the entire day,” Thackerton said. “Nobody has ever seen something like this before, and there’s simply nothing else people will want to talk about.”

Pete Rose to induct Juan Gonzalez to Rangers Hall of Fame

In a dramatic change of plans, the Texas Rangers have decided to induct former slugger Juan Gonzalez to the team’s Hall of Fame along with former teammate Ivan Rodriguez.

The two-time American League MVP declined the honor, but the team will include him anyway “because that’s what our fans want,” said team president Jon Daniels. Since Gonzalez refused to attend the celebrations scheduled for July 19 and 20, the Rangers are bringing Pete Rose to stand in for the ex-Ranger, who left baseball under suspicion of using performance-enhancing drugs.

Rose, the all-time baseball hit king, is banned from the game – and Cooperstown – for betting on baseball when he managed the Cincinnati Reds. “Here’s a guy who appreciates a Hall of Fame,” Daniels said. “We figured that would make him an ideal stand-in for Juan.”

In addition to the ceremonies, Rose will sign Gonzalez’ name on baseballs and other memorabilia for prices starting at $50.